I have been thinking a lot about what my life has been these last four years. It's easy to sit here in my quiet studio and reflect when all of my kidlets are in bed and it is calm. It's easy to feel that overflowing feeling in my heart and savor their beauty and love and remember all of the little joy filled moments we have had today. I can feel my breath being taken away just at the thought of how beyond blessed I feel when I really think about this life of mine.
But, frankly, all of the moments haven't been joyful. Sometimes they are downright HARD, frustrating and exhausting.
Most of the time on this blog, all you see is the uncluttered, light filled parts of our life over here. I do this on purpose because I want it to be an inspiring, beautiful place for you to visit. We all have clutter in our lives...(and that clutter/mess piles up very quickly over here!). There is beauty in the clutter, I know I'll miss picking up coloring books and doll house accessories someday. But it is nice to have places to go that are clean, pretty and clutter free.
It was hard to talk to complete strangers about something that means so much to me and then to have them reject me and my message. It was hard for a very athletically challenged girl like me to ride a bike everywhere, everyday in a skirt no less! I wish I would have documented the struggles...mostly so that I could see how I had the courage to overcome them and how I grew stronger and stronger as I kept getting back up and trying again.
I just finished re-reading one of the best, most honest commentaries on mothering that I've ever laid eyes on. Have you read the article "Don't Carpe Diem" by Glennon Melton? I have had so many other moms recommend it. I only read half of it until finally one day after having it recommended again thought, "Sheesh, what is all the fuss about?!" and read the whole thing. Now I know what the fuss was about...it's like Glennon went into my jumbled up mind/heart and articulated perfectly, exactly how I feel about motherhood.
In the article Glennon talks about two kinds of time: Chronos and Kairos. For clarity, I'm going to just quote an excerpt here (but you'll be so glad you read the whole article...it is so good):
"There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.